Ho Ho Ho!

Open letter from the Congress of the United States of America:
Hello Boys and Girls, this is Santa Claus coming to you directly from the North Pole! Ho Ho Ho!

I bring you joys and toys for all girls and boys. And Good News! The Kyoto Treaty has died the death of inevitability .. nobody really wants it.   We didn't have to vote on it, so it's Not Our Fault.


Oh, and (ho ho ho!) That thing about the United Nations Small Arms Treaty? Sorry, that was just a joke left over from April Fool's Day. Nobody wants to take your guns. Ho Ho Ho! You're so gullible, Santa LOVES to mess with your minds.


 Carolyn McCarthy's recent bill to reincarnate the (already failed, 'cause it is a piece of crap that didn't work) Assault Weapons Ban? Not a happening thing.

Nobody in the House OR the Senate wants to sign on to it; they know as well as we do that she's a dingus, a doofus, and a melt-down just waiting for the correct juxtaposition of the stars. We just let her introduce any bill which strikes her as 'appropriate' so we look good to the press.   God forbid it should come down to a vote;  y'all might get the impression that WE aren't comfortable with you having guns that we can't control.

Funny thing ... she has introduced the same bill every year for the past ten years, and everyone has ignored it every year. You would think that she would get the hang of it, but Nooooooooo, If she had any friends in the house, you would think that at least one of them would mention the "beating a dead horse" thingie to her. But .... NOOoooooooo! Sorry, Carolyn; you're a self-absorbed twit, a one-note samba, an ignoramus who can see the signs but can't read them. So; this year, as we have done for so MANY years, we're going to ignore you again. You're an idiot, but you're OUR idiot.

Besides,  Carolyn ....your ideologically inane political priorities are obviously  idiotic, but the fact that we continue to let you present the SAME bill for so many years, and we pretend to take you seriously, makes us look good to the other asshats in your party. So .. keep up the good work, Carolyn. Every time you do the same old thing in the same old way, and expect different results, you reconfirm our definition of insanity. You Go, Girl! (Please!)

 Looking to the new year, we see other idiots who think the best way to stop people from massacring their neighbors in shopping malls and schools is to keep sane people from being allowed to protect themselves while they're in ... well .... shopping malls and schools.  And churches.  You know, the kind of places where people ask you:  "Why do you want to carry a gun in a CHURCH?  That's a Peaceful Place!  (As if .. RTFM, Folks.)  Gee, that's tough on the people who frequent shopping malls and schools.  But what the heck .. we're elected by the same constituency every year, and as long as they don't seem to have a problem with their neighbors being killed while we continue to introduce bills to keep honest folks from having guns, is there really a problem here?  We don't think so.

In the mean time, we'll   have our chauffeurs and Nanny, our aides and our secretaries, do our Christmas shopping for us.  We are too busy to keep track of what our families want .. hell, we're too busy to know what our constituents want! .  So we'll just keep on making meaningless policy statements on television, and will ALWAYS keep our $400 haircuts au courant.  It doesn't matter what we do, as long as we look good; right?  In the meantime, we're in our offices at least 3 or four hours a day, so keep those cards and letters coming, People.  Our aides need the traffic to keep them busy and to justify their employment .. which you pay for.

Y'all folks have fun doing your Christmas Shopping, okay?  Don't expect to meet us in the malls, though.  Santa may have an AK, but he isn't as devoted to our personal protection as we would wish him to be.

{signed}  Your Congressman