Road Trip from HELL!

:at September back in '69


I got drafted on a Wednesday, proposed to my College Sweetheart that night.  By telephone.

Three days later, we got married.

A couple of weeks later, I reported for duty, and saw my wife on Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Then it got interesting:

After Basic Training and Infantry School, and NCO School, (graduated "top 5", as an E6 Staff Sergeant), and then it was time for my first posting: I went to Anniston, Alabama (Fort McClellan, home of WAC school and National Guard Basic Training) where I was a training officer.  I was allowed off-base housing, so I rented a private home from a local NCO who was on leave and I enjoyed connubial bliss with my wife (after paying her airplane ticket)

I would get off work at 1800, go jump in the community swimming pool; the neighbors complained that I usually jumped into the pool wearing my sweaty fatigues, but I ignored them.

Then I got a 3-week leave, plus travel time, so we decided to drive from Alabama to Oregon so we could save money.  Also, we had purchased a 1969 Ford Maverick ("The last car you can buy for less than $2000!") and we drove from Alabama to Oregon in three days ... taking turns driving, nonstop.

The car didn't have a radio, but I had bought an 8-track player and hot-wired it into the ignition system (lucky I didn't burn the car up!) so we listened to the only 3 8-track tapes I could find.  To this day, I cannot listen to Creedence Clearwater music without cringing.

We drove straight through from Alabama to Oregon in three days .. non-stop.  We took turns driving.

We stopped somewhere in Texas, when we just didn't have the energy to continue.  Just ... pulled off the road, turned off the car, and went to sleep.   We were awakened by a state trooper (whatever they call them in Texas), who was concerned that we had both died.  He had a helluva time waking us up!

We explained the situation to him, and he looked at us as if we were crazy people.  At that point, he was correct.  But "we were young, and sure to have our way", so we were advised to pull further off the road and kindly suggested that we "get a room".

My wife was asleep, and I was driving, when I passed a sign which said:

GRAND CANYON ... NEXT EXIT

I thought, this may be my last chance to see the Grand Canyon.  But instead of waking her up and discussing whether we should take the scenic detour, I just ... drove on.   I've always regretted that decision.

Finally we got to California, hit the I5 Freeway north, and got to Oregon where we could see our families sometime in the late afternoon after we-didn't-know-how-many-days of driving.

A few days later I reported for duty at my home town (Pendleton, Oregon) after visiting my parents.  gave the car keys to my wife, went to the Greyhound Station, and was eventually (after a year in-country as a training NCO in Georgia) assigned to my next duty station.  It was, not surprisingly, the First Infantry Division in Dian, South Vietnam.

But while I was serving in Viet Nam, I got a letter from my wife.  She and my sister were touring .. somewhere touristy ... and while backing out of the parking lot they bumped into a tree and dented the rear of that damned cheap-ass Maverick.

The mechanics had to replace the trunk lid.  It had folded up like .. well, a Campbell's Soup can would have been embarrassed.

Two years later, after I was back home, I was entering a freeway ramp (in the Maverick) when the hood suddenly just ... popped up!  Apparently, the double-lock hadn't functioned, and a gust of wind just flung it up in my face.

We got rid of the Maverick.

I got a really good trade-in deal in a well-used 1965 Chevrolet Corvair Convertible ... with custom-build dual 2-barrel carburetors!   The fabric roof leaked (especially after our neighbors cut the fabric roof to steal BUPKIS from the glove compartment) and the dual-carburetors were never tuned because no competent mechanic would touch them.

But damn!  It LOOKED FINE, especially in the summer when it wasn't raining.

Did I mention I live in Oregon .. the center of the Great Pacific Northwet?

Man, when it comes to cars, I sure can pick 'em!

When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not your friend.

Who says the Military is humorless?

I recently revisited one of my favorite websites, and I feel like the Joker in BATMAN when I indulge in Dark Humor.

So I decided to share. 

Military Jokes Military Humor:

139. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not your friend.

there's also "Sophomoric Humor" ...   check out BATMAN chooses his voice! 

How low can WHO go? Schumer

It's difficult to put words in Chuck Schumer's mouth ... there's already a foot in there.

Schumer rips NRA for pushing federal concealed carry bill - NY Daily News: ]\

“Just days after the deadliest mass shooting in modern American history, the NRA is engaging their allies in Congress to push through a dangerous national concealed carry law, which begs the question: How low can you go?” said Schumer (D-N.Y.).

(emphasis added)

Actually, the NRA has been working toward a National Concealed Carry agreement since long before the Vegas Massacre.   But Schumer's vituperative comments are consistent with his long-standing opposition to the Second Amendment:

While serving in the House of Representatives, Schumer, along with California senator Dianne Feinstein, authored the 1994 Assault Weapons Ban which expired in 2004. The National Rifle Association and other gun groups (see gun politics) have criticized him for allegedly not knowing much about guns, alluding to various errors regarding the subject.^{[citation needed]} Supporters of gun control legislation, however, give him much of the credit for passage of both the Assault Weapons Ban and the Brady Handgun Violence Prevention Act.^{[citation needed]} The Assault Weapons Ban, which banned semi-automatic rifles, shotguns, and handguns with certain features, expired in September 2004 despite attempts by Schumer to extend it. He was one of 16 senators to vote against the Vitter Amendment, which prohibited the confiscation of legally owned firearms during a disaster.

Schumer is also consistently re-elected by his home state, winning 70% of the vote in his most recent election.

New York loves Schumer, and has no great love for private ownership of firearms.   That's not really surprising, since the abuse of firearms is one of the major issues in any state with many high-density cities, and it's worth noting that New York is NOT among the top 20 states for firearms death.

I don't agree with Chuck Schumer's views about guns, but I have to admit that he is more entertaining than his cousin, Amy Schumer.   (yes, they are cousins ... not uncle and niece,)

(WORKPLACE VIOLENCE WARNING! Your office partners will shoot you if you run the linked video of an Amy Schumer routine with the sound on.)

Variation on the "Man Bites Dog" theme

Yeah, I know; but she actually fired a gun in the city limits.

Woman Charged for Pointing Gun at Teen Allegedly Raping Dog | US News:

There’s a difference between pointing a gun at a 14-year-old kid for no reason and pointing a gun at a 14-year-old kid because they’re having sex with a dog,” Wilkinson says.

See ... I didn't know that.

An Arkansas woman is facing a felony charge after pointing a gun at a teenage boy who she says was sexually assaulting her neighbor’s dog.
Kerrie Lenkerd told police in Centerton, a northwest Arkansas town, that she looked out a window and saw the teen with "the dog he raped last time."
"I got my gun out of my safe and went out my back door," Lenkerd told police, according to a court filing. "I told him to get on the f---ing ground and pointed my gun at him."
The boy, identified only as NM, 14 years old, in court documents, jumped over a fence and ran. As he fled, Lenkerd fired a shot into the grass "to scare him," she said.
The teenager left behind an iPad and clothing, Lenkerd told police, who also found a spent shell casing.

Presumably, the police were able to follow the lad home by following the trail of excreta he left behind him.



Another version of the story.

"What Did I Do Wrong?"

WATCH: “Shattered” co-author Amie Parnes on the many mistakes that doomed Hillary Clinton’s campaign - Salon.com:

In “Shattered,” the first must-read book to emerge from the 2016 presidential election, political reporters Jonathan Allen and Amie Parnes provide a detailed autopsy of what their subtitle calls “Hillary Clinton’s doomed campaign.” Their account — drawn from background interviews with numerous people who worked in or around the Clinton campaign — is controversial for many reasons. As they admit in their introduction, Allen and Parnes assumed all along that Clinton would win, and that for all her strategic missteps and messaging problems they were probably chronicling the election of America’s first female president. Only on the night of last Nov. 8, they write, did the full meaning of their reporting become clear.

Dear Hillary;
Let me tell you the story of a man named Job  [cue banjo theme song]

Job was a poor man, barely kept his family fed.  He observed the sabbath and kept it holy, paid his tithe faithfully, was diligent in his work and never spoke ill of any man.
Then one day his daughter turns up pregnant.
His son runs away with someone named "Maurice".
His wife admits that she has contracted a social disease, and she's not sure from whom.
The sky clouds over, the rains pour down, washing his crops away.
His oxen are struck by lightening.
His barn burns down.
He develops running pustules on his face.
And all of his neighbors turn their backs to him

.
Job falls to his knees, looks up into the stormy skies, and weeps:
"Lord, why hast thou forsaken me?"
The rains stop for a minute.   The clouds part, a beam of brilliant golden sunlight catches job, and a deep voice booms out:

There's something about you, Job, that just pisses me off!

Who are you calling a "Gun Nut"?

You might be a Gun Nut. (Huge list):

If your gun collection is worth more than your automobile, 

you just might be a gun nut.

Oh-oh.   I'm busted!

Who are you calling an Old Joke?

He:  Hypothetically speaking, would you sleep with me for a million dollars?
She: Well, that's a lot of money.  Probably.
He:  Here's a dollar.  Will you sleep with me?
She: Of course not!   What kind of woman do you think I am?
He:  We've already established that.   What we're doing now is merely haggling over money.

Some People Never Learn

You would think that after all these years, I would know better.

I tried to send an email after midnight on the First of the Month, and SURPRISE!  My Comcast Email connection was not responsive.

I knew immediately what was going on, but in the spirit of Customer Response I called the COMCAST Emergency Hot Line and met a very sweet-voiced lady named Dianne (not her real name!)  who explained to me that Comcast was aware of the problem and told me that they had already received "a number of calls" about the problem.

The "problem" was that comcast were doing their regularly scheduled (midnight to 5am) backups and database maintenance, and they put on their very best CSR (Customer Service Representatives) to field all the phone calls they expected to receive from ignorant goobers.

You know ... people like me.

They turned it around on me, though.

After being very sympathetic to my concerns, said Sweet Young Thing asked me if I would be available between 6am and noon to participate in an extensive phone survey to discuss 'the problem'.

In other words .... you called me NOW?  How about I call you THEN!

I responded by pointing out that it was 2am and I would probably be asleep at the time they phoned me, so thank you for the offer but I respectfully decline.

(Which was to say: "yes, I know I'm a jerk and it's nice that you pointed out my character flaws in such a gentile manner".)

Which was exactly the expected response.

I make this call to Comcast a couple of times a year, just because I actually AM 'a jerk with nothing better to do at 2am'.

Maybe I ought to find a girl-friend.

Then I'd have something better to do than stay awake half the night and call strangers.  You think?

In Defense of Campfires

Never Yet Melted blogged about an article about campfires. Which article   explain(ed) that campfires are “a dangerous, polluting, wasteful relic of the past,” way too hazardous and unsafe for ordinary Americans to safely enjoy.
He's dismissive of the citified wussy wimp nincompoops who hike or bike or ski or climb in the Out-of-Doors wearing expensive synthetic getups in the same kinds of colors as lifesavers.

I'm with him.   It's just not a camp-out without you got a camp fire!

For the Geek Clan, it's a Family Tradition.

For over 30 years, the Geek Clan would gather at least annually for a Family Camp-out.  Usually scheduled for Fourth of July, or some warm summer month (hopefully with a 3-day weekend), between 30 and 50 Geek Clan members would gather at Motett Meadows .. off Beaver Creek (a branch of the Grande Ronde River in Eastern Oregon) and subject ourselves to the collective version of the Hunting Camp.  Only, without the hunting.

On Day 1, the Senior Geek Men would meet at the Meadows and go off in the woods to find a dead tree.  There was always a dead tree, usually a blow-down.  They would hook a chain on the tree and drag it back to the camp.  Uncle Shorty would fire up his chain saw and buck the log after cutting off the limbs for 'kindling'. (Most of the Geek Men were loggers, at one time in their history ... starting off in the 1930s when they would use cross-cut saws to cut down giant Doug Fir and haul them to sawmills in the are.)

Someone would carefully clear a 10-foot fire-circle  ... we used the same place most years ... and start a fire with the limbs.  The Senior Geek Women would be watering down their whiskey bottles in the meantime. (see below)

Uncle Shorty was the guy who took a long branch to poke the fire for the next two nights, nudging the wood around because "... it looks like it's gonna be a cold night ..." but mostly because he liked playing with fire.  Which explains why he was married twice.

After dinner (cooked on propane stoves placed on jerry-built tables at first; in later years, we showed up with trailer houses instead of tents) the guys would find themselves places around the fire, sitting on the bucked pieces of tree.   And then someone would produce a bottle of whiskey and pass it around the fire.

My father, whom I called "POP"  (my mother was "MOM" to me .. it's a Geek Thing, you wouldn't understand) kept a galvanized metal wash tub of about 3' diameter,and they would fill it with ice and a case or two of beer.  They drank horrible bear, the cheapest they could find, but they treated it with respect.   They waited for as much as 20 minute after they iced the beer before the started drinking it.
Pop had an old patchwork quilt which was older than I was, and they wrapped the ice and beer in the quilt to hold in the coolth.   One of my jobs was to put the quilt in the tub, then the beer, then the ice.

I always felt proud that I was assigned such a high post.  Until I turned 21, and we turned the job over to a more junior cousin *(a boy)*.

One year, my cousin *(a girl cousin)* married a nice guy named Rowndy.  He wanted to fit in, so the first year of their marriage he brought a fifth of Black Velvet whiskey to the campfire.   He had a couple of snorts, and one of the Seniors asked him if he planned to drink the whole damn thing by himself?    He allowed that it was not neighborly of him, so he passed the bottle around the campfire.   I and my cousins were all 'of age' by then, so it was no longer just five or six Old Men (both my parents came from large families) but also the Second Generation.   Which is why we needed a big campfire; surely you can understand the validity of their "Plenty Of Room For Everybody" logic.

Rowndy got the bottle back with just enough for one sip.  Not a SWALLOW, mind you ... just a 'taste'.

In later years, Rowndy brought two bottles; one for him, one for the campfire.  It's nice to see how effectively the older generation trains the younger.

Yes, we had one or two of the younger generation get a little drunk, but there was very little intoxication most years.  And those young men were sufficiently shamed the next day by the Olders who sat around the morning campfire tsking about the younger generation who "just can't hold their liquor".

Another year, the First Generation Women got together and poured all of the Booze out of Uncle Orville's Vodka bottle and replaced it with creek water.   Uncle Orville and Uncle Shorty liked Vodka mixed with Squirt .. resulting in a clear drink, which was poured over ice in a plastic glass.

When the Men came back from dragging in the Campfire Tree, they poured their first drink while waiting for the log to catch from the kindling.   Uncle Orville took a sip, watched the budding blaze, and sighed:  "Mmmmm   Heap Good Drink."

Uncle Shorty took another sip, and opined: "Yep.  Heap Good Drink.  But it could use a little more firewater" upon which he poured some more 'vodka' from the bottle into his glass.  And refilled Uncle Orville's glass, too.


"Y'know?  I think I can use just a little more firewater.  That damn Squirt .. must have put too much into my drink."

Meanwhile, in the background Mom and The Aunts were giggling like crazy.  "What you laughing about?" asked Uncle Orville?

"Who us?  Oh, nothing.  It's woman stuff, you wouldn't understand."

It took those two brothers about a half hour to finally figure it out.  Mom and Auntie Grace finally broke up laughing so hard, and couldn't help rubbing their nose in it.

At which time the two Geek brothers dumped their glasses into the fire ... and there was so little alcohol in the glasses that it damn near put out the fire!

Yep, there's nothing like a Camp Fire.

Especially if you suspect that just maybe there isn't enough Fire in the Firewater.

(PS:  yes, the Aunts did save the Firewater.  They got a little tipsy on it before they gave it back , though.)

Staged Photos: Why "The Mirror Online" is not a valid news source.

Iraqi woman guns down ISIS commander as bloody revenge for making her a sex slave - Mirror Online:

Consider This "News Photo" published on "The Mirror":

"The woman, believed to be be a member of the Yazidi-Kurdish minority, shot dead senior Islamic State commander Abu Anas, according to Iraqi satellite TV network Alsumaria News"

Never mind the text of the news article:
... it's unrelated to the photo, except that the photo suggests to demonstrate a female firing a "machine gun" which may or may not have had anything to do with the headline.

Look at the belt!
There are three rounds  in the extended belt .... in alternating loops feeding the gun.   WTF?
You can't feed a belt-fed machine gun when there's a break in the belt!

Then there are a series of empty loops (or links).  Then there is a six foot length of belt dragging through the dirt until it's draped over a short wall of sandbags.

This is obviously not a .50 caliber (12.7mm) M2 Machine Gun ... looks like an M60 (7.62mm) variant, but there's still a LONG length of  'links' trailing out of the gun, and the M60 (also M2) don't leave a chain of links on the 'ejection' side of the gun.   They spew out "one at a time" to the right side of the gun, scattering indiscriminately.

Nobody runs a crew-served weapon without the Assistant Gunner, whose jobs include:

1. hump extra ammunition,
2. ensure that the feed of ammunition to the gun is not interrupted by failure to link the next belt to the in-gun belt;
3. identify and direct fire to priority targets;
4.  let the gunner know when the barrel is overheating;
5.  with the gunner, help replace the barrel when it gets too hot; and
6.  MAKE SURE THE AMMUNITION ISN'T FOULING THE GUN by introducing plant fibers, dust/dirt or other environmental elements at the gun site.

That last part includes not dragging the feeder-belt through the muck and the blood and the dirt .. which will jam a hot crew-served weapon faster than you can say "Oh, Drat!"

Sure, the photo wouldn't be possible if you had an AG crouched on the left side of the gun; you wouldn't be able to see the gun.  And it's a much more dramatic photo with a single brave female gunner, with a chain of ammunition dragging through the dust and a chain of links (ammunition expended) on the right side of the gun.

It's just ... wrong!

It offends my sense of right, for the cause of presenting a very dramatic photograph supporting the theme of the story.

It's still wrong.

...

Okay, I'll go take my meds now.

NO PLANTS FOR LAWYERS!

Georgia police: Chattanooga attorney shot after breaking into elderly couple's house, throwing plants at them | Times Free Press:

Anybody want to bet me that the lawyer is NOT a Democrat?

Okay, this is a legitimate argument for Plant Control!

(Alternate title:  "Just Because You Say His Gun Isn't Loaded Doesn't Make It So!")

Stop! Just STOP the Baloney. Crooks Have Guns Already!

I am SO sick, and tired, of all the BS about Gun Control.

Criminals already have guns.  Their cousins have guns.  Their aunts have guns.
Guns are "'merchandise', not 'product'.

These people get guns from all over;  Guns are under-the-table sales, they're stolen, they're bought from burglars ... why do "You People" think people rob occupied homes, anyway?  Because they're after your Bank Card .. which you carry with you?

Why do "You People" think you can regulate guns by passing laws?
The only people that are going to pay attention to your precious new laws are the people who are "law abiding", and you'll probably make criminals out of THEM when they recognize that your new "common sense safety measures" are unconstitutional, and they won't obey them anyway.

So why bother"  If you're a Politician, I know you're in it to look good for the ideology  idiot-olgy which supports you, but why do you listen to them?  Make sounds, and then vote according to the Constitution; nobody will notice.  They're busy watching the Southern Border, and cheering on their new best friends; their latesr 'home boys'.

(Oh, never mind, the liberals won't allow Wetbacks in their neighborhoods, unless said Wetbacks are carrying a leaf-blower.)

Crap.  Crooks could get your gun by mugging you on the way to work.  But you don't CARRY guns .. which is why the bad guys feel quite comfortable about mugging you (thank you very much) because no matter how much you squawk on the Internet about how you "Carry 24/7", they know you're a liar.

You're wearing a suit?  Who do you think you are, Denny Crane?

You can't control the guns.

You can't even drink three beers at the end of the day without peeing your pants before you get to the Little Boys' Room.  What makes you think you can control guns?

I don't know who you are, and I don't care.  I would just like you to (please .. I'm trying to be nice here) get the heck out of my life and quit trying to decide how I should LIVE my life.

".. you can't even run your own life; I'll be damned if you'll life mine!"

None of the above

Would it be SO BAD if we just didn't elect a president this time around?
Couldn't we do without one?

Not as a permanent solution.  
But everyone who seems to want the job is absolutely, totally unqualified for it.

Both Hillary and Donald (if I may be so familiar) are the sort of people who, if they moved into the house next door, I wouldn't want to be outside while they are feeding the crocodiles in their moats.

And, if that wasn't enough ... ("Here's Don and Hill!") are certifiably frightening people.

Remember LURCH from the Addams family?   And Uncle Festus?

You gotcher presidential presence and you gotcher VP right there, folks.
(I'm thinking LURCH for PRESIDENT and Uncle Festus as his running mate.)

And they are a LOT less scary than The Hillary and The Donald.

Write in candidates?

The "Thumb Over Wrist" Grip, and Why I Will Kick Your Ass If You Try This!

The Captain's Journal  Do Not Hold The Gun This Way

Captain O Captain, thank you so much for providing a photo of this 'grip'.

I've talked about it from time to time, in reference to the training regimen I conduct monthly under the name "INTRODUCTION TO USPSA".

But, about three times a year I run into the following scenario.  Assume the standard USPSA/IPSC range commands have been given.  Here is the sequence of events which sometimes follows:

RO:  Are you ready?
(three second delay, then the timer buzzer is sounded to signify that the shooter should commence shooting)

(three to five second delay, then ...)
RO:  STOP!  STOP STOP STOP!

STUDENT: (still holding pistol facing downrange, finger on the trigger, feet too close together, elbows locked, leaning too far back, looking over his shoulder with a quizzical expression):  "What?"

RO:  Finger off the trigger. 
Unload and show clear. 
If clear, hammer down and holster.  
The Range Is Clear.
Now ...Your thumb.  Your support hand thumb.  It's ... it's ... it was locked over your wrist!

STUDENT:  Uh .. yes, I suppose it was.  So what? 

RO: That's not a safe grip. You can't hold your gun like that.

STUDENT:  Why not? 

"I want my CDC"

Medical Groups Urge Congress to Restore Funding for CDC Gun Violence Research:

A coalition of 141 medical organizations sent a letter to four senior members of the House and Senate Appropriations Committees on Wednesday urging them to restore funding for gun violence research at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. “Medical professionals and our communities work to address the devastating and long-lasting physical and emotional effects of gun violence on victims, their families and their friends, but are hampered by the insufficient body of evidence-based research to use to point communities toward proven gun violence prevention programs and policies,” the letter reads.

These guys, who can't get the public and charitable donations to finance their 'gun violence research' projects, want the Feds to remove the restrictions on CDC studies.

You remember the CDC?
They're the folks who used YOUR tax money to 'prove' that "GUNS ARE EVIL!"

The thing is ...

... ask rather what you can do TO your country ....

Senator Wants To Avoid 'Constitutional Arguments' On Guns | The Daily Caller:

Maryland Sen. Barbara Mikulski said at a Senate hearing Wednesday that she wanted to avoid getting “involved in constitutional arguments.” The only problem is that the hearing in question dealt with President Obama’s recent executive actions on guns, which many believe infringes on Americans’ Second Amendment rights.

“I look forward to…listening to the attorney general and listening to this wonderful panel that you’ve invited to participate today,” Mikulski, a Democrat and ardent supporter of gun control, said in her opening remarks ahead of a Senate Commerce, Justice, Science, and Related Agencies Subcommittee hearing, which heard testimony from Attorney General Loretta Lynch. “So let’s solve the problem,” Mikuski urged. “Let’s not get involved in constitutional arguments, and let’s help our American people be safe and secure in their home, their neighborhood, their school and their house of worship.” Earlier this month, Obama announced that his administration will force more gun sellers — even low-volume sellers — to obtain licenses and to conduct background checks. The initiative, which was developed in part by Lynch, expands the category of gun sellers considered to be “in the business” of selling firearms.

UNADDRESSED ISSUES:

• SECOND AMENDMENT A KEY ITEM IN THE CONSTITUTION
• DIFFICULTY OF NON-DEALERS TO OBTAIN DEALER LICENSES UNDER BATF RULES
• "DEALER" AN IMPERFECTLY DEFINED TERMINOLOGY
• IDIOTS IN CONGRESS 
• EXECUTIVE ACTIONS
• DEFINING "THE PROBLEM" WHICH NEEDS TO BE "SOLVED"

Is there a Full Moon in Ohio today?

The Moonbats are out in full raving lunacy and this article in the Columbus Dspatch provides a forum for their howling.

I'm trying to convince myself that the proposal to "license ammunition" (and tax it, too!) was written tongue in cheek, but I'm afraid that the author was probably quite sincere in his demagoguery.

Just a short list of author Ted Schaefer's proposed measures:

Item:  You can only buy "bullets" for a gun that you can prove you own.  When you sell the gun, you have to return all the bullets.

Item:  A "BULLET BUYBACK" program.  (Like the gun buy-back program which has worked so well.)

Item: Bullet Buyers buy a bullet license, renewable every 5 years AFTER a new photo and Doctor's certification that you haven't turned into a raving lunatic in the interim.

Personally, I think Mr Shaefer should be calling his doctor for an appointment.


(H/T: The Gun Feed)

Unfortunate Conjugation of News Releases?

Sometimes, the new is not just chock-full-o-nuts.

This is not one of those times.

First:  "DON'T WORRY, THE WORLD IS NOT COMING TO THE END BECAUSE OF A FLYING ORB!"

NASA confirms we won’t all be killed by an asteroid next month: There is no asteroid threatening Earth\ NASA titled its Wednesday announcement, saying that numerous recent blogs and web postings “are erroneously claiming” that an asteroid will hit the planet at some point from September 15th and September 28th near Puerto Rico.

and then:

OH YES IT IS!

PLAYERS URGE ACTION AFTER FAN HIT BY A FOUL BALL

Los Angeles (AFP) - Major League Baseball players are urging action to improve safety after another fan was hurt at a game on Friday night.
Detroit Tigers pitcher Justin Verlander took to Twitter to push for changes after a woman was hit by a foul ball in the eighth inning of the Tigers' home game against the Texas rangers.

Obviously, (a) the world may end this week but not because of a foul-asteroid, but (b) Chicken Little thinks that baseballs may be all it takes.

It hurts to feel this vulnerable.

ALERTS TO THREATS IN EUROPE:

by John Cleese - British writer, actor and quite tall person

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's Get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

(from The Hobo Brasser, via Email)

HillaryLove

Ready for Hillary dumps 'email poster' in 3 for 1 deal | WashingtonExaminer.com: Hillary Clinton's campaign in waiting, Ready for Hillary, is dumping its poster of the now infamous image of Hillary Rodham Clinton in sunglasses reading her Blackberry. An email sent today offered the poster, titled #Ready and that sells for $20.16, in a three for one deal for the very same price.

Where have I seen that picture before?

I'm sure .. oh, wait.  I KNOW!