Friday, August 04, 2006

Snakes On A Plane

Samuel L. Jackson has a message for me.

Sounds as if I had better pay attention. In the words of SWMBO: "I'm low on Estrogen, and I Have A Gun!"


Moving along in this Flying Geek theme, Paramount Television is panting to sell you the U.S.S. Enterprise (USS 1701, if memory serves me correctly.) Either that, or William Shatner's boots, if you have six thousand British Pounds rattling around in your pocket.


I don't usually appreciate "bathroom humor", but I kinda chuckled at the story of the Council Bluffs, Iowa, woman who was glued to a toilet seat at the Mall of the Bluffs shopping center.

Maybe they'll rename it "Mall of the Buffs", 'cause (as the story quotes the victim):

"... the burns are painful and that the incident was one of the most embarrassing moments in her life.

I'll bet it was embarassing, sitting on the potty, panties around your ankles while all those fire-persons squirting fingernail polish remover to desolve the 'cement' which formed a bonding experience between her fanny and the toilet seat. That's gonna leave an embarassing welt, too.

I bet she shreiked and flew! (I would have.)

Maybe next time she'll consider using one of those paper gaskets hanging on the wall.


Finally, in what may actually be a positive note in the U.S. Airline Industry, the Associated Press [hissssssss!] reports that "More Travelers (are) Getting Bumped Off US Airlines".

Why do I consider this a POSITIVE note?

In the wake of the 911 tragedy, most airlines were unable to fill all the seats on many domestic flights. Many declared bankruptcy, and we witnessed a drastic revision of schedules as 'feeder flight' routes and schedules were discontinued because the small airlines who serviced these routes were unable to continue flying between, for example, Spokane and Boise.

Civilian Airplanes were considered a good way to commit suicide (see my previous post), and passenger miles plummetted.

Now, it seems that potential passengers are no longer concerned that they will find themselves in a 12,000 degree bonfire inconveniently ignited in a New York Skyscraper. More pertinent, perhaps, to the day-to-day Frequent Flyer, we have become accustomed to the intrusive Home Security measures perpetrated upon the unwary air traveler.

We've lived so long with the Three Golden Rules of Air Travel (don't carry metal objects, don't carry cigarette lighters or sharp blades, and don't joke about bombs), we are no longer nonplussed by airport security procedures ... random invasive searches of your personal person when attempting to board an airplane on a domestic flight; the arbitrary confiscation of what may reasonably seem to be inocuous objects.

The air traveller has become blase' about all these things, and still wants to save time and money (especially considering the three-dollar per gallon toll at the gas pump) by flying rather than driving to visit Aunt Jane in Rancho Cucamonga.

Now that you and I are flying more, and driving less, the airlines are slowing down the convenience of air travel by continuing to book less flights. The resultant chaos, when people are 'bumped', is a fiscal boon to people who don't have to be 'there' on a schedule.

That will change.

Airlines hate to turn away customers, and they REALLY don't like to spend money (in terms of 'rewards', such as free tickets for a later flight).

This is a passing phase. You'll see.

Air Marshalls, Take Your Places.

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