Tuesday, June 30, 2009

All Crossed Up

This is the story of five shooters who shot stage 5 ("All Crossed Up") at the June, 2009 Points Match at Dundee Oregon.

The stage itself was another sperm donation from Evil Bill.

Who else could include Classic "Amoeba Targets", Pepper Poppers, U.S. Poppers, small plates that "Pop Up" a shoot target, nearly as many penalty targets as shoot targets, arrays which could only be seen, let alone engaged, from the very furthest (real word, I looked it up) corner of the legal shooting box, fault lines and vision barriers and barrels, oh my!

All of that effort for Evil Bill to construct his demonic playground.

It's enough to say that the stage, while not exactly a 'memory stage', was enough to make strong men weep, women to batter their men, horses bolt in terror, and small children to have nightmares which will doubtless be passed via genetically damaged DNA unto the seventh generation.

In a word: I liked it.

Starting with an unloaded pistol lying flat ("no props!") on the table, fingers interlaced on top of your beanie, grab the gun and run ... loading the first mag as you go. Some of us managed this more gracefully than others, but when you got to the corner of the railroad-track shooting box, you were permitted to shoot a small plate and two Amoeba targets at the far, downrange opposite corner of the range. This distance was, by actual measurement, approximately 1.5 kilometers away. Or, far enough that the blurry fat front sight on my STI Edge covered the plate entirely. Note to self: if you can't see the plate, you can't hit it. The bullet is still rising, so aim LOW for goodness sake!

After a flurry of shooting and making up misses, screaming like a banshee "I Am So F***ED" (actual fact, you'll see it but you won't hear it in the video), and dodging no-shoots as if you were stepping carefully over an open sewer, you arrive at the other side of the bay to discover that you had another teensy tiny plate to knock down before you are allowed to engage the final Amoeba Target.

The Texas Star was hard, but I mean this Mother of Demons was HARD!

But maybe it was just me. I did actually see my front sight a couple of times. I ignored it, it ignored me. I and my Front Sight have a dysfunctional relationship, and it showed.

Getting back to the Five Shooters, this is who and what you will see in the video:
  • The Hobo Brasser, with his new 'shorty' open gun which shoots as flat as a carpenter's level. I never liked that man.
  • The Geek, shooting the Iron-Sight EDGE in 10mm, experiencing the first ever SQUIB and dropping 5 penalties for one FTE and 4 mikes when it was shown that there were lights on but Nobody Home.
  • Dave, doing his best to Make The Geek Look Good with his jam-o-matic singlestack. You may miss the caption in the video, but he ended up with one ... ONE! ... bullet left when he finished this, the last stage in the match for the squad.
  • Adam, also shooting Open, with the gun that wouldn't quit and acting like it was just another (Ho Hum) 28 round stage. Again, you'll have to watch the video closer than I did (another guy I never liked ... no problems, what's the fun in that?) but I'm not sure that he even bothered to reload. Okay, he probably did. Once.
  • Ken, the new shooter who safely completed his first ever USPSA match. The guy is cold steel, man. Even though he temporarily lost count of his targets, he managed to turn and kill the last diagonal plate-and-popup with the grace of a Princess and the finesse of a bull-dozer. He liked it. He's good. He's hooked. Two Thumbs Up for a newly minted IPSC fanatic.
Enough talk. Let's play. The 5 minute video (link) has some slow spots, but it's got a good beat and I can dance to it. (damned lie!) I'll give it an 85, Dick. (Doors, "Roadhouse Blues", seemed appropriate. Choreography counts more than spelling or good penmanship.)
[Don't bother watching it. YouTube has completely deleted the audio track, including the stage sounds. Instead, scroll down and watch the video embedded by Blogspot. I only left it in here because somebody might want to see a large-format version of the video -- with crappy music dubbed in.]

YouTube has been emasculated. It won't allow inclusion of an audio track which has not been 'pre-approved'. Most of these tracks (including those labeled "rock") are Elevator Music. Ptfffff! on them.

Okay, I'll include the video with the least-wimpy audio track I could find, something named ... hell, I don't know. Who cares?

Now that you've seen it in big format with wuss music, I'll embed the original (small format ... sorry) version with The Doors doing "Roadhouse Blues".

[This takes forever to upload ... I sincerely hope it downloads faster.]

Anybody actually shown in this video, email me and I'll send you the original (16MB, 5'20")l version, with music to match the action.

What a bunch of maroons. YouTube, you have lost your kewl and I am outta your teensy weensy world for future serious action videos.

No comments: