Summer Whine

It's axiomatic that "Summer Colds are the Worst". It's also a common belief that Geeks are weird. So it may come as no surprise that this Geek delayed his annual Summer Cold (or flu, or allergy attack) until 2 weeks after the end of Summer.

I started sniffling and coughing about the time of SWMBO's operation, but because both she and co-workers convinced me that the newly arrived Autumnal Rainy Season had "kicked up dust and pollen", I allowed myself to be convinced that it was nothing more than an inconvenient allergy attack.

Last Friday morning I awoke with bronchial congestion, a disgusting post-nasal drip, and a cough that just wouldn't quit. I did what any Real Man would do ... I called in sick and stayed home. I figured that with the weekend, I would have ridden out the worst of the cold and would be ready to go back to work on Monday.

But Monday morning came and I was not only still hacking and congested, but I was unable to speak above a halting hoarse whisper. I called in to the office; I think the person who answered the phone was convinced by my odd speaking voice that I was not just goldbricking.

During the day my condition advanced to the point where I could make no sounds other than a crow-croak.

Late Monday afternoon I got a call from my mother. My cell phone was in the pocket of my trousers, which were hanging from my bed post. By the time I followed the sound and dug the phone out, she had hung up. I returned the call, and when I said "Hi Mom, this is Jerry. You know, your son. You just called me" ... she didn't believe me. "You don't sound like Jerry" she replied, dubiously.

"No, really, it's just me. I'm in bed with a cold, and I have laryngitis."

(Understand, this was a combination of whispers and croaks. Also, every 3 or 4 words my throat locks up so I have to go back and try again. It's painful to speak, and probably as painful to hear.)

Finally convinced that this unrecognizable voice belongs to her favorite (only) son, my own mother struggled not to laugh at my predicament and allowed that she wouldn't keep me, she just was testing her new cell phone. We hung up, frustrated on my part and mildly amused on her part.

My mother is getting on in age, and her own vocal chords are becoming intransigent. Her natural voice is difficult to understand, quavery and faint. Once a year I take her to a doctor at the Oregon Health Science University in Portland, where a very nice Chinese doctor injects Botox directly into her vocal chords. Eventually they firm up to where her voice is strong again, but it takes a couple of weeks to kick in and during that period her voice is ... croaking, faint, hesitant and half-whispery. I know it was difficult for her not to comment that "aha! the shoe is on the other foot now, ain't it buddy boy?" but due to the fact that she's a high-class lady she resisted temptation admirably.

This morning (Tuesday) I didn't bother calling into the office. Instead, I signed onto the Internet and sent an email telling my co-workers and customers that I would not be in the office.

I'm bored to tears. I've been cooped up in my home for five days now, and I'm getting cabin fever. Good news: with all this spare time I've been blogging a lot. Bad news: I'm getting tired of staring at this computer, reading books, and watching old videos.

I've resorted to house cleaning, which I only do when I'm depressed. Having spent most of my time in bed or sitting down, I've grown weak and am glad of any physical activity I can do until I get tired. I've gone through all of the 'reserves' in my pantry, and thrown out food that has been sitting there since 2005.

This afternoon, I realized I've thrown away the food I had expected to eat when I couldn't get to the store for my weekly shopping. Also, I'm out of juices and medicine (expectorants, to clear my bronchial tubes.) I have 4 checks to deposit, my annual USPSA Chief Range Officer Exam to mail, and Hollywood Video has sent two voice-mail messages to my cell phone notifying me that if I don't return the four overdue DVDs by October 11, I will be billed their full replacement price.

Plus, the cabin fever is raging.

I took an hour and went shopping. Mailed my letters, picked up my inbound mail, returned the DVSs, checked out some new DVDs (this extended period on home domesticity has made me almost wish I had cable television!), bought food to replace that which I have dumped, and put new stickers on my car.

Funny thing: I'm still unable to speak intelligibly, so when I went into stores I was singularly uncommunicative to clerks. When I went into the video store to check out new movies, I knew the clerk was going to ask me for my phone number. I found a post-it note pad on the counter, along with a pen, and while the clerk was scanning the bar-code on the DVDs I wrote down my phone number. When he asked me for the information, I was ready and gave him the note. Then he asked me for my name, and because I was unable to speak I made a motion toward my throat indicating that I was unable to speak, the dug ID out of my pocket and showed it to him. He nodded, smiled, completed the transaction and then wrote the rental fee amount on the post-it note and gave it back to me!

I guess he decided I was both deaf and mute, even though he had been speaking to me and I was obviously responding. He was just trying to be helpful, and even though I could have croaked out an explanation to him I just smiled, took my movies and left.

This incident caused me to think in a new way about the plight of deaf mute people all over the world. How difficult it must be for them to complete even the most common transactions in a world of the hearing. How do they deal with this?

Then I shrugged, went home and had dinner Took my medicine. Watched a video. In a couple of days I'll be okay. I'm too self-centered to worry about other people too much.