Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Cowboy Blob's Five Question Grenade

I love tests!

I even take tests in magazines. Well, except for the "compatibility tests" ("Is Your Man Man Enough For You?") in the Cosmopolitan Magazine that my ex-wife use to force me to take. Maybe that's why she's my "ex".

Not too long ago, I took Frank IMAO's "Who The Hell Do You Bloggers Think You Are?" quiz. I failed miserably. Like Robert B. Parker's "Spenser for Hire", I wasn't as funny as I think I am. Except I don't look as good slurping up a spaghetti noodle.

Perhaps that's why I'm girding my loins here to take the Cowboy's Five Question Grenade. I'm looking for redemption here.

Are you with me?
Let's see how we do:

1. Multi-part question: Marilyn Monroe or Grace Kelly? Sandra Bullock or Marisa Tomei? Nicole Kidman or a slice of pepperoni and sausage pizza and a Heineken?
Definately neither Marilyn Monroe OR Grace Kelly. They once looked good, but they're a little yucky now. Dead, you know.

Sandra Bullock or Marisa Tomei? That's a hard choice. I thought Tomei looked great in "My Cousin Vinny, but maybe that was only because she was always in the same scenes with Joe Pesci, and Fred Gwynne. No contest there.

On the other hand, Sandra (Sahn-Drah?) looks good in everything she ever did, even in what appears to be the first movie she ever made .. "Hangman". The movie was a dog. Twenty-three year old Sandra hadn't lost her baby fat, but she had "Personality", y'know. (H/T - The Sandra Bulock Picture Site)

"Nicole Kidman or a slice of pepperoni and sausage pizza and a Heineken?"

Another tough one. I think I could survive the pizza and beer, but could I please substitute Abby's Linguica Pizza and a Blue Boar Ale?

2. What was the crowning achievement of your professional career?
That had to be 1990 when I was the "Data Security Officer" for Freightliner Corporation, and I secured all IMS transactions using the ACF2 Data Security software.
"Implimation Day" was a day that we agonized over for weeks. Management expected a LOT of problems when workers attempted to access online forms. I had spent six weeks setting it up, but the Pointy-Haired Managers assigned me 3 workers to handle the phone calls and I was there from 6am to midnight to field help-desk phone calls from people who couldn't access the information they needed to do their job.

We had not one single phone call. Everyone who needed access, had it. The people who weren't authorized to, for example, remove $10,000 diesel engines from the inventory ... couldn't.

It was a "non-event", which is the ultimate accolade for a Geek installing new software.

3. What was your low point?
Oh, that one is easy.
That would be April of 1991, when I was one of the 20% of all Freightliner employees who were laid off. They didn't need a dedicated Data Security Officer. I had done my job too well.

4. You're going to spend six months on the International Space Station as an amateur mission specialist. Besides members of your family or close friends, pick three non-astronauts to join you.
Oh great! This is an easy question.
They would be Sandra Bullock, Marisa Tomei, and Nicole Kidman.
(SWMBO is going to kill me for this one!)

5. It's your stage...every broadcast, cable, and satellite TV network in the world has the feed from a camera/mike in your living room for two minutes. What do you say?
"I suppose you are all wondering why I called you together for this meeting ...."

(Damn! I blew it again, didn't I?)

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