Monday, January 03, 2011

New Year Prognostications, Part I: Air Security

Every year about this time, we read predictions from wise people about what the next twelve months will bring. (And sometimes, people even follow up the following January to report on how well their prognostications were fullfilled .. or not.)

I've got a couple of ideas about what the next year may look like, but I haven't thought them all through; that is, I haven't extended them to their logical absurdity. So I'll start out with one (which may be #10), and for now I'll merely present that one:

#10: TSA and Airplane Safety: By the end of 2010, people will no longer be permitted the same laxity in air travel as they have before. Everyone will be required to strip before entering the plane, and will spend the entire flight (no matter the distance) entirely nude. That especially applies to international flights bound for American ports. Rather than sitting in chairs ... eww, nasty with naked people! ... they will be strapped to hand-trucks ala Hannibal Lecter in "Silence of the Lambs" and will be "parked" in a standing-up position with their hand-trucks locked to tie-downs on the floor of the passenger cabin. For sanitary purposes, the floors will be bare metal, not carpeted, and will feature drains in the floor. This will make it easier to route the water when the cabin attendents perform their single remaining responsibility ... hosing down the floor on an hourly basis, since no passengers will be allowed to exit their "security module" for potty breaks.

The exquisite beauty of this scheme is that it eliminates completely the need for intrusive scanning and body search.

(I would appreciate some help here. Anyone who has questions about what the year 2011 will bring is invited to submit suggestions in the COMMENTS area. Or perhaps you have your own predictions on your favorite topic?)

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