Friday, June 19, 2015

I hate my (expletive deleted) Smart Phone!

Every time I get a trash text message I curse my Smart Phone and the day I bought it, I never liked phones much any way, but Smart Phones are so INTRUSIVE!

I think I hurt its feelings, because last week it ran away from home.

At first I searched in the usual places: coat and jacket and robe pockets, trousers in the laundry bag, behind and under the sofa cushions.  Nope, not there.

Nightstand, computer desk, coffee table, kitchen counter.  Nope, not there.

In the bed linen, between the waterbed mattress and the sideboards.  Not there.

I decided, I never find anything lost until I stop looking for it.  So I quit searching, for three days.

It didn't magically "show up", so I sat back and enjoyed the peace and quiet.

Then I read an article about a subject that was not familiar to me, so I reached for my phone to use the Dictionary app .... oops, I forgot.



I admired the new blooms on my "SnowBall Rose" bush, and wanted to snap a picture, but I had to go get my digital camera and the battery was discharged and it was just too inconvenient.

I wanted to set an alarm to remind me to turn off the sprinkler on the back yard ... no timer, had to use the one on the stove but I was upstairs on the computer and didn't hear it, so I overwatered the Rhododendrons.  (That's hard to do, but I have a Brown Thumb as well as Bad Luck With Things Mechanical.)

Today I took my car into the shop to get the brakes checked.  The mechanic said he recommended that they be replaced, all around.  Well, they haven't been replaced for eight years, so I said I would bring it in tomorrow at 11am; they would give me a ride home, and when the job was done they would come pick me up.  I made the appointment.

Then I realized they had no way to contact me ... my phone was missing.

And I thought about all the other minor conveniences I was missing.  Most of my family communications were via txt messages because you can't count on email being read 'soon', and they don't actually write letters any more.

So I went to the local Verizon store and bought another *#@#!!! Smart Phone.  The price with 32GB storage was  $650, but I was due for an upgrade and I got a rebate etc. so it cost less than half that amount.  Which I reluctantly put on the credit card because HEY!  I get a 2% cash-back award, and besides there's a lost/stolen/broken protection on items purchased.

I did one thing different:  I insisted that the new phone be White, not Black like the old phone.  Black is hard to spot, it can hide in a corner or in a shadow.  (Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?)

Now my new Smart Phone is sitting on my desk, smirking smugly at me.  It's as if the old one has risen from the grave and has come back to haunt me.  I'm torn between naming the phone "Casper" (the friendly ghost?  not very!) or Zombie Phone.

My Smart Phone now KNOWS that it is smarter than me!  Because .. it can make me do things I don't want to do, and even My Much Older Sister can't do that any more.

Since I can no longer bad mouth my Smart Phone verbally, I have decided to do so here, on this safe computerized environment.  Now it's MY turn to feel smug, for I have beaten the Electonic Beast at its own game!

LATER:

Oh, darn.  I forgot the Wireless Connection!

HELLO!  CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?  
HELLO!  HELLO?  IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE ?

3 comments:

MuddyValley said...

New Kershaw pocket knife after losing the previous one? Bright turquoise blue. OK, kind of a little too pretty if you know what I mean, but the orange one I wanted was actually more camo-brown than orange. Smart phone case? Bright orange. It was either that or tie a piece of baling twine to it. :-)

Anonymous said...

Ever try a simple flip phone?

Mark said...

YOUR PHONE AND MY WALLET ELOPED.