Reminds me of the Iraq Study Group (ISG) report, in that they are both wonderful examples of really stupid things to say, but which reveal a great deal about their authors and their not-so-hidden agendas.
The ISG Report has 79 Ways To Leave Your Lover, and I won't add to your frustration by detailing to them. If you've read this far, you've probably already read either the report itself or commentary on the report ... which is sufficient to convince you that the authors are ... well, idiots.
The difference between the ISG and the Taleban is: the Taleban Rules are brief. And they make no bones about it, their agenda is clear.
They want to kill everybody who doesn't agree with them.
The ISG has the same goal, but they deny it.
Here are the Taleban Rules:
Let's fisk this puppy.It is made clear that the rules are obligatory and "anyone who offends this code must be judged according to the laws of the Islamic Emirates".
Qari Yousef Ahmadi, a Taleban spokesman, confirmed the authenticity of the rules in an interview.
Ignore at your peril: the regulations in full
Every Mujahid must abide by the following rules:
• 1. A Taleban commander is permitted to extend an invitation to all Afghans who support infidels so that they may convert to Islam.
• 2. We guarantee to any man, who turns his back on infidels, personal security and the security of his possessions. But if he becomes involved in a dispute, or someone accuses him of something, he must submit to our judiciary.
• 3. Mujahideen who protect new Taleban recruits must inform their commander.
• 4. A convert to the Taleban, who does not behave loyally and becomes a traitor, forfeits our protection.
• 5. A Mujahid who kills a new Taleban recruit will be punished according to Islamic law.
• 6. If a Taleban fighter wants to move to another district he must get permission from his group leader.
• 7. A Mujahid who takes a foreign infidel as prisoner with the consent of a group leader may not exchange him for other prisoners or money.
• 8. A provincial, district or regional commander may not work for a non-governmental organisation or accept money from an NGO.
• 9. Taleban may not use Jihad equipment or property for personal ends.
• 10. Every Taleb is accountable to his superiors in matters of money spending and equipment usage.
• 11. Mujahideen may not sell equipment.
• 12. A group of Mujahideen may not take in Mujahideen from another group to increase their own power.
• 13. Weapons and equipment taken from infidels or their allies must be fairly distributed among the Mujahideen.
• 14. If someone who works with infidels wants to co-operate with Mujahideen, he should not be killed. If he is killed, his murderer must stand before an Islamic court.
• 15. A Mujahid or leader who torments an innocent person must be warned by his superiors. If he does not change he must be thrown out of the Taleban movement.
• 16. It is strictly forbidden to search houses or confiscate weapons without the permission of a district or provincial commander.• 17. Mujahideen have no right to confiscate money or personal possessions of civilians.
• 18. Mujahideen should refrain from smoking cigarettes.
• 19. Mujahideen are not allowed to take young boys with no facial hair on to the battlefield or into their private quarters.
• 20. If members of the opposition or the civil government wish to be loyal to the Taleban, we may take their conditions into consideration.
• 21. Anyone with a bad reputation or who has killed civilians during the Jihad may not be accepted into the Taleban movement.
• 22. If a Mujahid is found guilty of a crime and his commander has barred him from the group, no other group may take him in.
• 23. If a Mujahid is faced with a problem that is not described in this book, his commander must find a solution in consultation with the group.
• 24. It is forbidden to work as a teacher under the current puppet regime, because this strengthens the system of the infidels. True Muslims should apply to study with a religiously trained teacher and study in a Mosque. Textbooks must come from the period of the Jihad or from the Taleban regime.
• 25. Anyone who works as a teacher for the current puppet regime must receive a warning. If he nevertheless refuses to give up his job, he must be beaten. If the teacher still continues to instruct contrary to the principles of Islam, the district commander or a group leader must kill him.
• 26. Those NGOs that come to the country under the rule of the infidels must be treated as the government is treated. We tolerate none of their activities, whether it be building of streets, bridges, clinics, schools, madrases [schools for Koran study] or other works. If a school fails to heed a warning to close, it must be burned. But all religious books must be secured beforehand.
27. [With alleged criminality] As long as a person has not been convicted of espionage and punished for it, no one may take up the issue on their own. Only the district commander is in charge. Witnesses who testify must be in good psychological condition, possess an untarnished religious reputation, and not have committed a major crime.• 28. No lower-level commander may interfere with contention among the populace. If an argument cannot be resolved, the district or regional commander must handle the matter. The case should be discussed by religious experts or a council of elders. If they find no solution, the case must be referred to religious authorities.
• 29. Every Mujahid must post a watch, day and night.
• 30. The above 29 rules are obligatory. Anyone who offends this code must be judged according to the laws of the Islamic Emirates.
Signed by the highest leader of the Islamic Emirates of Afghan-istan.
• 1. A Taleban commander is permitted to extend an invitation to all Afghans who support infidels so that they may convert to Islam.Interpretation:
Our religion requires that we give you the opportunity to surrender unconditionally. If you don't, we get to kill you.
• 2. We guarantee to any man, who turns his back on infidels, personal security and the security of his possessions. But if he becomes involved in a dispute, or someone accuses him of something, he must submit to our judiciary.Interpretation:
Believe it, mean it. Or we get to kill you.
• 4. A convert to the Taleban, who does not behave loyally and becomes a traitor, forfeits our protection.Interpretation:
Live it, or we get to kill you.
• 14. If someone who works with infidels wants to co-operate with Mujahideen, he should not be killed. If he is killed, his murderer must stand before an Islamic court.Interpretation:
We welcome traitors to their culture. Anyone who doesn't do this ... we get to kill you.
• 15. A Mujahid or leader who torments an innocent person must be warned by his superiors. If he does not change he must be thrown out of the Taleban movement.
• 16. It is strictly forbidden to search houses or confiscate weapons without the permission of a district or provincial commander.• 17. Mujahideen have no right to confiscate money or personal possessions of civilians.
Interpretation:
(15) we get to kill you
(16) we get to kill you
(17) we get to kill you
• 18. Mujahideen should refrain from smoking cigarettes.• 19. Mujahideen are not allowed to take young boys with no facial hair on to the battlefield or into their private quarters.
Interpretation:
This is not right. We'll overlook it this time, but next time ... we'll overlook it again because we like doing this stuff, too. Okay? NO, we're not perverts. It's all perfectly natural, and we'll play while we wait for our 72 virgins and a carton of camels to be delivered by UPS. (Surely you didn't think we were talking about cigarettes!)
• 24. It is forbidden to work as a teacher under the current puppet regime, because this strengthens the system of the infidels. True Muslims should apply to study with a religiously trained teacher and study in a Mosque. Textbooks must come from the period of the Jihad or from the Taleban regime.
• 25. Anyone who works as a teacher for the current puppet regime must receive a warning. If he nevertheless refuses to give up his job, he must be beaten. If the teacher still continues to instruct contrary to the principles of Islam, the district commander or a group leader must kill him.
• 26. Those NGOs that come to the country under the rule of the infidels must be treated as the government is treated. We tolerate none of their activities, whether it be building of streets, bridges, clinics, schools, madrases [schools for Koran study] or other works. If a school fails to heed a warning to close, it must be burned. But all religious books must be secured beforehand.
Interpretation:
Smoking, and banging little boys, are Not Good; but they're not all that bad, either. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.
Teaching little boys to Just Say No, however is a capital offense.
We get to kill you. Burn your school. Did I mention we get to kill you? (Not, of course, until we've whupped you to within an inch of your life. Preferrably in front of a bunch of your little-boy students.) Well, you deserve it, you capitalist running dog. Why would we continue this oppression of our fellow man, if there wasn't something in it for us?
27. [With alleged criminality] As long as a person has not been convicted of espionage and punished for it, no one may take up the issue on their own. Only the district commander is in charge. Witnesses who testify must be in good psychological condition, possess an untarnished religious reputation, and not have committed a major crime.
Interpretation:
If you're a crook, or a murderer or rapist, that's okay. No problem, Brother. But if you work against the espoused goals of the Taleban (we get to kill people), guess what?
That's right: we get to kill you.
Are we having fun yet?
• 30. The above 29 rules are obligatory. Anyone who offends this code must be judged according to the laws of the Islamic Emirates.
Interpretation:
We get to kill you, we get to kill you, la la la we get to kill you.
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